Sofia Vergara is fighting her former flame Nick Loeb for control over her frozen embryos.

Do embryos have rights?

Before you answer that question, heed this warning: Be careful who you have sex with — it could leave you out in the cold. Literally. Like it did to the world’s most beautiful woman.

That would be Sofia Vergara, who is now being sued by the world’s most vindictive, ne’er-do-well ex-fiancé, rich heir Nick Loeb, who wants to prevent her from destroying the frozen embryos conceived while they were still a “they.”

Well, to be accurate, Vergara’s being sued not by said vindictive ex-twit, but by the frozen embryos themselves. The fact that the ex-boyfriend Loeb must be picking up the freight for the suit? Hey, twits happen.

This insane suit pre-supposes that frozen embryos have the same rights as living, breathing fully formed humans. But do they?

No. For God’s sake, they’re frozen!

But that hasn’t stopped Loeb’s New Orleans ambulance chasers, or make that lab jockeys, from filing a right-to-life petition from Vergara’s frozen embryos, “Emma and Isabella.” The embryos, the suit alleges are, yes, being denied their inheritances by not being alive. What?

But this is really about a man who’s lost control, no? So he’s behaving like some ISIS kidnapper, trying to force Vergara to become a mother against her will. Americans don’t play that way.

Or do we?

Who’d know better than Dr. Arthur Caplan, director of the division of medical ethics at the NYU School of Medicine? No one, that’s who.

“Well, many states have refused to assign rights, while many state courts have declared that life begins at conception,” he said. “But as an ethics guy, I think it’s meshugana!” Good point, doc.

“A ruling like this could lead to embryos suing mothers for not feeding them properly or not singing to them enough.

“The people who make the embryo get to control its fate, so what happens if they get divorced, become mentally disabled or die? What happens then, what happens if they’re never used?

“I think something else is going on in this case,” he added.

You think?

“He seems like a very angry guy using the embryos to punish her. It’s starting to sound like harassment.” Amen, brother.

So if the frozen embryos aren’t used, do they get destroyed?

Not really. “There are probably millions of frozen embryos in the world. They are kept in a frozen state and the company sends out bills for storage, but a lot of people simply don’t pay.” Then what?

“Their fate is in the hands of the utility companies — to keep the power on. Me? I suggest that after 10 years they be used for research.”

That probably won’t happen because the right-to-life right will fight it. Pro-life groups apparently think it’s better to keep the embryos in a frozen state forever, leaving them neither technically alive nor dead.

“In this case,” Caplan said, “Loeb can’t use them without Vergara’s permission and she can’t destroy them without his permission.”

This isn’t going to be over easy.

Dr. Caplan snidely remarked, “So if an embryo can sue, can they also represent themselves?”

Only if they have a fool for a lawyer.

Get over it, Loeb. There are plenty of other women you can donate sperm to.


Whose bright idea was it to reconsider allowing passengers to use cell phones on planes?

It’s actually being considered by U.S. aviation regulators, that’s who. Aren’t they supposed to be concerned with our safety? They won’t let you take your shampoo, but they’ll allow boors to use cell phones?

It’s horrible enough — and horribly rude — when morons wait to get onto public ground transportation to make their calls, let alone being stuck in a flying metal tube 40,000 feet in the air with a loudmouth next to you yakking on the cell.

Can you imagine having to endure this on an hours-long flight? And you thought sitting next to the screaming toddler was tough. At least babies don’t know better.

The industry must not force this on us already miserable, overcharged flyers.

Well, not unless they believe that nothing will liven up a flight like a good fist fight at 40,000 feet. Watch — they’ll make us pay more to be in the “quiet” section — as though there is such a thing as quiet in a tight space filled with gasbags.


Talk about counter-intelligence! A CIA report reveals that, yes, Russia leaked info to WikiLeaks to help Trump win the election. Reality check in aisle nine.

Does anyone honestly believe that John Podesta’s limp emails changed the course of the election? Did finding out that Clinton staffers thought Chelsea Clinton was a spoiled brat really change your vote? Americans are not that shallow.

The government is shocked that Russia hacked the personal emails of Clinton loyalists, but didn’t do anything about the fact that the CIA didn’t notice until it was too late that the Chinese hacked the personal “secure” information of over 22 million federal employees back in June?

The CIA truly gives new meaning to “counter-intelligence.”


Mark this down as yet another failure for the ghoul of Ground Zero, Rudy Giuliani. Despite his wife’s allegedly bragging early on that he had the secretary of state gig in the bag, the only bag Ghouliani was holding was the garbage bag.

In a statement that was as transparent as Kim Kardashian’s clothes, Team Trump announced on Friday that Giuliani had “removed his name from consideration for a position in President-elect Donald Trump’s Cabinet.”


Like Trump would have been so clueless as to give the job to a man with ties to international human rights violators? Right. The chance of Rudy getting “state” was as much of an “are you serious?” as was the shot of Chris Christie getting a cabinet position despite jailing the father of Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner.

How dumb would you have to be to think this would work out for you?

Yet hubris allowed “America’s Mayor” to believe he could dictate his terms to the President-elect, and demand the job. Why? Because he’d humiliated himself by ranting like an unhinged lunatic during the campaign? Rudy would have to be as frighteningly nutty as he seemed to be to think that was a good plan.

Instead he got the big “screw you.”

Trump tweeted at 3 am on Saturday morning, “@RudyGiuliani, one of the finest people I know and a former GREAT Mayor of N.Y.C., just took himself out of consideration for ‘State.’” Just? Or was that decided back in November?

Rudy issued his own statement: “This is not about me, it is about what is best for the country and the new administration.”

You bet.


What’s wrong with this story? A Muslim student, Yasmin Seweid, 18, who claimed that three men screaming “Donald Trump!” had harassed her on the subway, went missing for two days last week. But she was found on Saturday, Nassau County police reported.

So wait, a week after getting viciously slurred and attacked, you leave your family’s safe New Hyde Park home with a bag of clothes and go missing? What don’t we know here?